Well I don't even know where to begin. It has been so long since I have posted on my blog that it is seriously pathetic. I need to write more and express more. I need to keep better track of the everyday joys that way I can look back one day and laugh and reminisce.
Bradley is 13 - almost 14 - and is 5'8" tall already! He is 4" taller than I am. His voice has dropped and he is super interested in girls. Oh my. I knew this day would come but well, it's here! His dad and I have had many talks with him about what we expect and how he is to act and what he is not allowed to do, so he is crystal clear in that area. He is in the Pre-International Baccalaureate program at his middle school in 8th grade and will transition into the International Baccalaureate program in August when he starts high school. Wow - high school is already here. We have already picked out his classes and electives! He is going to be in all advanced/honors classes and general electives. We might have him start some AP classes in his Sophomore year, not sure yet. We don't want to push him too hard. He is in the advanced program in 8th grade right now and is still bringing home A's and B's - even in Intermediate Spanish which he started this term but NEVER took Beginners Spanish! He is seriously awesome.
Jacob is doing well grades wise in Kindergarten, but behavior wise he could be a lot better. He doesn't like to do what he is told and he loves to talk. He doesn't fight or hit or bite or anything like that - he just straight up disobeys authority. We have tried negative reinforcement discipline at home and that does nothing. He doesn't care if he acts up and knows he comes home to get a spanking/get grounded/get items taken away. So now we are flipping it and trying the positive reinforcement and - it is working so far. Last week before Spring break he got all "smiley faces" meaning he had 4 good days total (Friday he was off). So each day he got a smiley we "high fived" him and on Thursday after the final smiley Hans took him to the Dollar Store for a small toy. Maybe this will work? We'll see.
Hans and I are doing as well as can be expected with him (being a normal person) married to a person with mental illness. I have my good days and my bad. My bad came this past Saturday when I cried all morning for no other reason than "he hurt my feelings" because he was starting to give the kids chores suddenly. I know, even typing it sounds stupid. But for whatever reason, that day the depression hit me hard and I was laying on the bathroom floor, sobbing uncontrollably for about an hour. Then I got up and went into the kitchen to try to do dishes and began crying. It was awful. Hans - since he knows me - told me to go out of the house and clear my mind, go have some "retail therapy" and spend $20 and go shopping for something frivolous. So, I did and it did help. I went to Ulta and got a bottle of nail polish... I got a monogrammed garden flag at Kirkland's... and a hazelnut cookie treat at World Market. I came home and felt better for the most part. Brad's still not happy about having to do chores now but he will get over it. He is 13 and he needs to do them to learn responsibility at home to teach him how to handle a home of his own in the future. Jake could care less right now and does them without hesitation, but I am sure that will burn out quickly.
My depression is mostly better with the once in a blue moon "off day". My anxiety is almost completely in check thanks to my medication. My migraines still come like clockwork once a month and sometimes twice if I have a really stressful day.
My weight is off the charts. I am as of right now 164lbs. I am 5'3" and this is the HEAVIEST I have ever been without being pregnant. When I started ________ University in June 2012 I was fluctuating between 135-140lbs. I am eating junk, stressed, and all my meds are "weight gainers" per my doctor. So, I have to work hard, change my diet, and work out. I am starting today.
Work is good as far as the company goes but I am starting to get burned out which is scary. I am bored. I do the same thing over and over and over again. I also don't like being measured for each second I am on or off the phone so closely. If I am even 1 minute late from clocking into work or clocking in from break or lunch, I have to complete a form for management. I miss having a salaried job with flexibility and where management knew I did my job and didn't scrutinize for each minute I was late because I couldn't find my work badge or car keys. If I begin to fully burn out - I may have to look elsewhere for something that is a better fit. Or another position within the company. We will see.
I guess that is all for now! I really hope to make this a healthy habit and write more soon.
Til next time,
K.
